This is my life:
M's alarm goes off at 5:00. He promptly gets up and goes to take a shower - having carefully set everything out for himself the night before, he is able to leave by 5:30 to drive to town.
I work Mon/Wed/Thu. My alarm goes off at 5:03. Unless I thought it was the monitor overnight and turned it off when I went to check on the baby. I change the alarm to the radio and promptly fall back asleep.
Around 6:00 my NPR-infused dreams transition to alertness. Usually this is because T yells "Mama! I wake up!" rapidly followed by "I wanna watch a movie!" He usually gets his wish so I can shower - breaking my heart when he says sweetly "wanna watch a movie with me?" I try to nurse W on one breast and pump the other to get him some food for the day.
Daycare dropoff is at 7 but I'm usually there 7:30 or 8. T always wants me to stay and play, and likes to show me around his classroom. It's always hard to leave W too - he just looks up and grins his toothless grin.
I see patients all day - I wish I could remember funny stories but more often they seem sad. I like seeing patients and our schedule is not overbooked. Between appointments I answer questions from nurses and NPs, send lab result letters, fill out various forms, etc. I try to get out the door of the office by 5:30.
M and the boys are home when I get there. I nurse W, talk to T a little, we heat up some leftovers. At 7 we start winding down with jammies and stories, maybe a bath, and 8 is bedtime. Then I try to do office work (writing notes on my patients) which usually keeps me up until 10 or 11 when I fall into bed by M.
Tue/Fri are days off so I keep T home for a few hours and go for a walk with the boys in the stroller. Then take T to school, get a shower, try to do some more notes but usually W wants to eat and play, maybe I take a nap with him, run errands, think about cleaning up clutter. 5:30 comes so fast and then it's time to make dinner. I try to cook on Tue/Fri so we'll have good leftovers on my work days.
Sat/Sun we play, get stuff done around the house, groceries and laundry. Half the time I'm on call and usually I have a patient or two at the hospital.
All the time I am thinking about those office notes - it's hard to get them done the day of the visits, so they weigh on my mind, and I am always behind. Today M was watching baseball - had T & W with him - but T decided he wanted me down there too. It is really hard to turn down a sweet three year old asking "wanna play ball with me, mama?" If I turn him down too often I will lose his childhood. So the notes go unwritten again.
When I'm going to work I wish I could stay with my kids. When I'm home with my kids I'm thinking about work. It's the age old story of all parents, I think. Not that the world needs another self-absorbed blog, but I wonder if maybe writing about it will help me adjust, even if I never find true balance. So stay tuned.
Time Consciousness
11 years ago
