Counting Blessings

After I posted a recent Facebook status update, "C is feeling really blessed lately," my dear cousin suggested that I count the blessings.

1. I am blessed financially.
True - we owe more than our house is worth.
True - we just had to do some major plumbing work. Oh Honey, a new hot water heater! I love it - just what I wanted! And Merry Christmas, I hope you like the new boiler I got you. And for your stocking, several hours of skilled plumbing work to bypass a leaky copper pipe.
True - I took a hefty paycut for my new job.
But more importantly, we are able to make our mortgage payments thanks to a fixed rate loan, we continue to contribute to long-term investments, our kids go to an incredible private daycare center, our trusty Subarus are in good shape, and we do not worry about whether we will be able to afford milk this week.

2. I am blessed professionally.
After 3 years of residency and 3 years at my first practice position, I have been in my new position for over a month. I work with 4 other physicians in a practice built on the philosophy that quality of care is more important than quantity, and that it is worth making less money to do good work. We all have active family lives and agree that we can work together to provide good care in the office and hospital while protecting time at home. My hours are 9am to 4pm, M/W/F, and I have no work to do at home. I have found my new colleagues to be intelligent, compassionate, devoted women. The collegiality of the atmosphere is unlike anything I have experienced before. After focusing on how I could find a job in which I could continue to do EVERYTHING, I am so thankful that this position fell in my lap. A necessary part of my job transition was recognizing that I can be a strong feminist mother and wife without having to give 100% in every aspect of everything. That just put my family on the sacrificial altar of my ideals. By stopping obstetrics (for now) and limiting my scope of practice, I have so much more to give at home and at work, and everyone benefits. What a powerful lesson I have learned.

3. I am blessed in my marriage.
M and I endured 6 years of living apart while we attended graduate and medical school. When we were reunited geographically, I was still in residency, then T was born, then I started my demanding job. I know neither of us are perfect - but I have asked a lot of M. He has stood by me, never faltering in his belief in my character, and allowing me to figure out hard lessons on my own - since I could not, or would not, hear it from him. A wise and prescient dorm-mate commented "it's a yin-yang!" when we first started dating, as there was such a contrast between my bright and shiny persona (and no, I wasn't on meth) and M's reserved realism. While this contrast leads to most of our disagreements, it also is what makes us a strong team. I do not think either of us could survive without the other. M, I love you more and more each day.

4. I am blessed by my children, in so many ways.
The two most incredible days of my life were the days my children were born. I was blessed to be able to experience unmedicated childbirth. I am blessed with an ample and abundant supply of breastmilk. And every day my boys do some new, remarkable thing. This is not a blessing unique to me - in fact, so much of it has been said so many times before that it has become a cliche. Having children means to forever walk around with your heart outside your body, and all that. I cry at least once a week thinking of how much I love them. I know I can't protect them from the world, but I can still enjoy every moment I have with them. Thank you, T and W, for reminding me constantly of what is truly important in life.