The Winter Has Begun

I am confronted with how different it is to care care of other people's sick kids than to take care of one's own. What seems strangest to me is that I have so much trouble establishing a diagnosis. When a parent brings a child to my office, I listen to the story, ask a few questions to clarify, and often have a diagnosis in mind that is then confirmed or changed based on the exam. When our kids get sick, M looks to me to do the same sort of thing. I go through the process - try to ask myself the questions I would ask a parent in the office, and the details always seem fuzzy. Then I do the most focused of exams - just look in the ears, or just listen with the steth - and if something seems amiss I call the doctor. But I am hesitant to say "T has pneumonia" or "W has an ear infection." Even if the breathing sounds asymmetric or the eardrum looks red, I somehow don't believe my exam on my own kids; then also I don't want our doctor to feel obliged to treat based on the diagnosis I presented, rather I want her to come to her own clinical decision.

Monday night W had a fever. One ear looked yucky to me, the other was blocked with wax. He seemed okay other than the perpetual runny nose so I just kept him home from school. When the fever came back early afternoon, I called and brought him to our doctor. She said that one ear looked yucky and the other was blocked with wax. (Imagine!) Now he is on a cephalosporin, since he just had amoxicillin for an ear infection 5 weeks ago, and it gives him loose poo. Great. He continues to have copious nasal drainage and occasional low grade temps, has less appetite than usual, and is extra whiny. He probably has some viral bronchiolitis too, since every so often his breathing is a little wheezy and fast, and Dr. T said he had squeaky breath sounds, so he's been getting Tylenol, Motrin, Benadryl, and some nebs overnight in addition to the Omnicef.

Now T has a cough and also with a low grade temp yesterday, so he was home from school today. Also extra whiny. Not nearly as sick as when he had pneumonia in September, though.

These are the times when I see so many of my failings as a mom. I keep thinking how M and I have time off this week, and I had all these things I wanted to do, and now my sick kids "won't let me" do them. I get frustrated with them for fussing and whining, but they're sick - of course they are fussy and whiny, and I'm the jerk for wishing they would just play happily by themselves.