Despite My Best Efforts

Here are some books I have read:

• The Happiest Baby on the Block (Karp)
• Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (Ferber)
• The No-Cry Sleep Solution (Pantley)
• Super Baby Food (Yaron)
• Feeding The Kids (Gould)
• The Sneaky Chef (Lapine)
• Deceptively Delicious (Seinfeld)
• How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (Faber & Mazlish)

Here is how much it feels like this has helped me:

• -zero-

I have one kid who sleeps and one who eats, and the morning routine to get out the door still involves cajoling, dealing, begging, threatening. Sometimes all I can do is laugh. Other times I get up for the baby for the 4th time that night, or look at my preschooler's skinny legs, or call (again) to say I'll be a little late to work and I think, how does ANYONE manage this?

A couple days ago I thought we'd had a breakthrough. T was playing with a plush penguin. It was time to get dressed. He said "Pip-Pip wants to get dressed." In a flash of inspiration, I said "I'm not sure he knows how. Can you show him?" Every step got done spontaneously or with only a reminder like "wow, you sure make taking your jammies off look easy. Now can you show Pip-Pip how you put on your shirt?" We were out the door in record time. It lasted a full -one- morning. The next day we were back to

• "T, it's time to get dressed."
• "T, I said it's time to get dressed."
• "But Mom, I'm just playing with my truck."
• "T, I have asked you twice and this is the third time. It's time to get dressed. Do you want to be a good listener or do you want to sit in the naughty chair?"
• "But Mom ..."
• "ONE. TWO."
• "OKAY I'm doing it!"

Repeat for each step of the process.

Dinner is another almost daily struggle. T will fairly consistently eat Eggos with peanut butter and syrup (but he wants the "little" syrup, the pure stuff in the small jug, as opposed to the "big" syrup, the tall plastic bottle of sugar-free maple flavored substitute), PB&J, Annie's mac & cheese, dino nuggets. French fries are now questionable since the revelation "MOM these french fries have POTATOES in them!" Tonight he had a complete meltdown because we put plain penne on his plate. He refused butter, cheese, or any other adornment. To him, noodles means the purple box; that was what he had expected, and anything else was completely unacceptable. After a few minutes to calm down on the couch, we told him he didn't have to eat his dinner, but he wouldn't be able to have any treat or snack before bed. Suddenly the noodles didn't look so bad and he wolfed down most of them, duly rewarded with a scoop of strawberry ice cream.

Then there is W. Not yet old enough or ambulatory enough to put up much of a struggle in the morning, and never a problem with eating for this one. Tonight's penne were mixed in a bowl with shredded mozzarella, some chunks of sourdough, and a few little bits of broccoli, all of which were shoveled double-fisted into the gaping almost-toothless maw. (One lower incisor is just starting to peek out at the grand old age of 12 months.) But despite a full belly, he will not sleep through the night. If I go in, the screams escalate until we nurse for a little in the rocker. Usually one breast won't do - though he fairly routinely passes out after the second and can be put back in the crib, sated for another few hours at least. If M goes in, he can get W to settle with the pacifier and blanket, but at least half the time he wakes up again 30 minutes later anyway. I've read the books. I know he has this sleep association. M has managed to get him past it before by spending a few nights in the downstairs guest room with a modified Ferber strategy. But eventually he realizes that the milk source just insulted him with a binky, and he shifts from fussy and half-asleep to fully awake and loudly agitated yet again.

All this will pass. Then we will be on to new struggles: homework, pimples, drivers' licenses. Then they will be gone. So we just continue to try to do the best we can, enjoying every step for what it is. And hey, I saw a couple more books the other day that look promising ...